Delaney turns 7 on October 1 and only now, four weeks away from the date, have I started to realize that I just didn’t ‘get’ six.

From birth through age 5, it seems like there are so many obvious benchmarks for a mom to monitor and nurture and master. Nursing, teething, solids, walking, terrible twos, potty training, preschool and then, at age 5, kindergarten.

But six! What is six? It’s a no-mom’s-land of unknowns.When Delaney was younger, I was plugged into other moms with kids at the same stages as mine and we could talk strategy: such as, Did you give stickers or treats for pooping in the potty? But at six, it seems my daughter’s life is so much more internal than external and I have, I think, sort of coasted through this age, thinking it was easy!

But now, reflecting back, I wonder if I’ve missed some opportunities to understand Delaney and to meet her where SHE is. The ‘benchmarks’ aren’t so obvious; you know when that first step happens but how do you figure out that your daughter has new emotional needs and how to meet them? Delaney now seeks quiet time to herself. She journals. She struggles with emotions that surprise her (and everyone around her).

I recently reached out to a friend for help; her daughters are just a few years older than mine so she is my trail-blazer. She was a HUGE source of help… but I do sort of find myself yearning for the younger ages and easily identifiable stages. I suppose hindsight is 20/20 and I know now how to handle tantrums and potty training, yet at the time I was muddled.

Was I as muddled as I am now?

I am trying to understand my girls, to meet them where they are, to support them, but I do find these waters a bit muddier.