Dave and I had a date last week (seriously!) and this is a snippet of our car conversation…

……..

• (Fiddling with radio)
• Dave: I like track 1. It rocks!
• Janalee: Yeah, it’s good but track 4 is my favorite. (pushing buttons to #4)
• Dave: Come on! Track 1! (pushing buttons)
• Janalee: Track 4!
• Dave: (waving hand before console like Vanna) Driver’s cockpit. Hands off.
• Janalee: Can we compromise with Track 14?
• Dave: FINE!

….

And now, I reveal the CD we were listening to… HANNAH MONTANA’S BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!  That is the most recent CD we own by nearly a DECADE!  What has happened to us…?

Delaney and Allie were having a fight over socks this morning. Last night, both wanted to wear a pair of wool socks to bed (we keep it between chilly and arctic in our house) but we could only find one pair. Delaney, simply because she had longer arms and swiped them faster, got to wear the socks, devastating Allie.  So, what were they fighting about first thing this morning?  Yes, ugly socks. I was standing at the counter making their lunches using my well-developed skills of not hearing a word they were saying when this exchange occured:

ALLIE: I found them first!

DELANEY: They’re mine!

ALLIE: Yours are lost and I was cooooold last night! (pathetic sob here)

DELANEY: They’re mine!

ALLIE: I’m wearing them tonight!

DELANEY: (furious and screaming) THEY ARE MINE! ‘M!’ ‘Y!’ ‘N!’ MINE!

Ok, so I burst out laughing at that one, offending BOTH of them.  Sometimes, the best fight-stopper is to simply bruise their egos.

I seem to be in a life knot-hole.  Everything, every. stinking. little. thing. is a gigantic challenge for me right now and my health seems to be reflecting that, as well. First a cold, now crazy back pain…

I usually realize that I’m in a knot-hole after my shoulders have made it through, when there’s some breathing room, but I realize that my hips and booty must still get through — the greater challenge. I don’t know what causes it, but I simply know because nothing feels easy. Brushing my teeth is hard work… so you can imagine what real WORK feels like.

When I hit these times, I crave my kids. The simplicity of time spent with them. Parking ourselves on the floor to play Trouble, hearing about their days at school, emptying out their backpacks to unearth artistic treasures, twirling my fingers in their hair as we sit on the couch and read a book.  When I’m with them, the knot-hole seems unimportant.

So, at 3pm every day, my breath returns.

I just have to know if any other moms feel the same insta-reaction that I do sometimes. A couple of days ago, Delaney was sitting on the counter ‘helping’ me. Unbeknownst to me, she had wormed her little toe between a lower cabinet and the dishwasher.  Soooo, when I opened the cabinet, it smashed her toe. She screamed her fool head off. (Seriously, she could do movie screams.)

Yes, I hugged her and asked if she was ok.  I rocked her and soothed her. But inside, I was thinking, “You idiot! What the hell were you doing with your toe there in the first place?”

Sometimes I am faced with the worst reflection of myself…

I’ve discovered something in the “yucky” category that I can’t handle about motherhood. I’ve changed diapers, wiped snot with my bare hand, cleaned poop off a wall and have been peed on.  But this… this I can’t handle.

Loose teeth. Delaney lost her second one today. Actually, she yanked it out of her jaw bone with her bare hands. And me?  I asked her to please do it in another room and let me know when it was all over.

She’s been wiggling that thing for weeks and I even enjoyed wiggling it with my fingertips, but when it really started leaning right out of its hole, I simply got the heebie jeebies!

For some reason, she decided today was the day and stood next to me pulling and pulling on it. I really could not look! It was this gut reaction, like a reflex turned my head despite my motherhood instinct to be present to this big moment in Delaney’s life.  Finally, I had to ask her to leave the room!

Do I have to resolve myself to missing out on every ‘tooth falling out’ moment with my girls? Or is this something I let them experience all on their own?

All I can say is… Bleh.