Ask me how to strap a giant whale to my minivan and drive 1600 miles home with it! I'll tell you how. Ask me to define the word sharing. It's different than what you might expect. Ask me how to get your child to learn there's more to life than pb&j. Wait, don't ask me that. Ask me what it's like to have an autistic child. I'll try to help you understand. Ask me to show you my Mom of the Year award! Oops, usually I'm out of the running for that about 10 minutes after getting out of bed.
Yet, it's all good. Sure, the paycheck is lost in the mail but I still wouldn't trade this life, quirks and all. In my posts, I'm hoping you'll find humor and honesty and that you'll be able to relate to my humble acceptance of motherhood's ups, downs and in betweens.
Welcome to my world!
Why Yelling Isn’t the Answer
Does anyone else have these types of conversations with their children? It goes something like this:
You are folding laundry, cooking dinner, checking Facebook, etc. Somewhere, within the house you hear…
CHILD: Mommy?
YOU: Yes? (this is spoken as sweetly as Snow White would if she had children)
CHILD: MOMMY??
YOU: YES?
CHILD: MOMMEEEEE!!
By now, the child is absolutely without a doubt within hearing distance from you. I mean, obviously YOU heard the CHILD the first time, the second time, the third time, yet for some odd reason, your sweet Carol Brady sing song voice isn’t registering in a frequency he or she can pick up. Which, well then, requires you to respond in the only way that seems to get your voice across…
“WHAT DO YOU FREAKING WANT?!!!?” complete with dragon’s fire breath, Linda Blair-Exorcist eyes, and hair that turns into snakes like Medusa’s.
CHILD: Can I have a snack?
YOU: I’d rather you not have any snacks because dinner will be ready very soon.
CHILD: CAN I HAVE A SNA-ACK?
YOU: NOT RIGHT NOW, PLEASE! DINNER IS ALMOST READY!
CHILD: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
YOU: I SAID NO FREAKING SNACKS, GOT IT! I’VE SAID IT LIKE 3 TIMES ALREADY!
You hear no more from the child. You continue on with whatever important task you were trying to get accomplished, convincing yourself that yelling at your kids is essential because they’d never hear you otherwise. 15 minutes later you come to the kitchen and find your child seated at the counter, eating from a bag of Fudge Stripes.
YOU: What part of “no snacks” did you not understand?
CHILD: I didn’t hear you.
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGH! I give up. Seriously, I’m done.
Hahaha! Wait till you say something you don’t want them to hear. I’ll guarantee they’ll hear you perfectly then!
Comment by Jody — January 19, 2009 @ 10:05 pmKids do have an uncanny hearing ability *only* when we decide to have a snack (mine can hear a cheese wrapper from down the street) or we attempt to have a moment, OR say something unprintable. Where do you get your Medusa-hair done? My snakes are looking a bit limp!;-)
Comment by Dani — January 30, 2009 @ 9:33 pmoh, hillary – you are too much. this sounds just like my house. “like talking to a brick wall”
Comment by kim — February 3, 2009 @ 9:19 amThis? Is awesome. And totally a compilation of sound bytes straight from my mouth and daily child interaction. Hehehehe… :)
Comment by Shanyn — February 10, 2009 @ 5:05 pm