I am the writer/owner of ‘MA! motherhood with attitude.’ The artist/owner of our company, Tiffany, will add her two cents on this blog now and then, as well. Tiffany and I often talk about the struggle to earn a buck through our freelancing as we also try to make the ‘MA! dream’ come true. Our mission is to expose ‘perfect parenting propaganda’ for what it is: hogwash! We adore imperfect parents (and embrace the fact that we are among them.)Only Two Good Reasons To Scream at Us
We have a small house. The ‘main living space’ is around 1000 square feet, so I like to count the basement and call it 1800 square feet. I love my house. This isn’t about needing more space…
No, this is about screaming. Despite the fact that we are nearly on top of each other no matter where we turn in this sweet house, the girls insist on SCREAMING for us when they need something. Sometimes the screaming can sound like they’ve amputated a limb and when I arrive expecting a bloody mess, I receive a request to help with a shoelace. Or a hair bow.
I have made it VERY clear that I do not appreciate being screamed at and, if they need help with such matters they can come find me.
So, the other day — a beautiful Saturday when Dave and I were enjoying coffee and the paper at our dining room table — Delaney starts screaming bloody murder from the basement. To our credit, neither of us looked up. She kept screaming. Our parental instincts just didn’t hear anything alarming in the scream and so we let her bellow on. Finally, she marched upstairs and barked at us.
DELANEY: “Didn’t you hear me?! I was calling you!”
DAVE: “We heard you. What do you need?”
DELANEY: “My microphone needs a new battery.”
DAVE: (completely calm) “Well, instead of screaming at us, you can bring it up here and I will replace the battery.”
DELANEY: (Stares at Dave and sighs, like he’s very tiresome)
DAVE: “Delaney, there are only two legitimate reasons to scream for us…”
DELANEY: “What.”
DAVE: “One, if you’re so hurt that you can’t get up.”
DELANEY: “And?”
DAVE: “If you’re on the toilet and there’s no toilet paper.”
I about laughed coffee right out my nose!
Did he say this with a STRAIGHT face???? I can see it now! Delaney is going to do something and get really bloody, but since she can “get up”, she is going to march all over the house, wimpering where you cant hear her, looking for you and dripping blood on EVERY surface! hmmmmm, he may need to rethink the ‘only 2 reasons’!!! too funny JANALEE (that was me screaming your name)…and oh, since I can’t get on FB…tell your dog to cough it up…I WANT..no NEED my crystal ball!!!
Lori
Comment by Lori Ware — January 29, 2009 @ 10:39 amWe’ve had ‘can someone bring me some toilet paper?’ echoing through the heater vent on many occasions. The kids discovered shortly after we moved into our bi-level that they can communicate with each other from different rooms and floors by speaking into the vents. Our ‘redneck intercom’ is still in use to this day, and I must admit it’s a lot more effective than yelling and screaming throughout the house… although it has freaked guests out from time to time.
Comment by Jody — January 29, 2009 @ 1:28 pmwe too have a small home and if i leave the room my daughters start screaming for me and where i am ..usually it is the potty, or the laundry, lord help me.
Comment by feener — January 29, 2009 @ 3:20 pmOH MY GOD! That is awesome.
Comment by Megan — January 29, 2009 @ 4:45 pmToo funny.
I got scream-summoned recently because “somebody turned off the sound from Hannah Montana!”
I’m still unclear whether that was an accidental mute by Lucy or an intentional one by John. :-)
Comment by Tamara — January 30, 2009 @ 9:50 amHilarious!! I SO admire quick-witted folks! I always think of the perfect response when it’s too late….
Comment by tiffany — January 30, 2009 @ 1:30 pm