I am the writer/owner of ‘MA! motherhood with attitude.’ The artist/owner of our company, Tiffany, will add her two cents on this blog now and then, as well. Tiffany and I often talk about the struggle to earn a buck through our freelancing as we also try to make the ‘MA! dream’ come true. Our mission is to expose ‘perfect parenting propaganda’ for what it is: hogwash! We adore imperfect parents (and embrace the fact that we are among them.)Perfect Parenting Propaganda
As you probably know by now, this company (MA! motherhood with attitude) was launched as a challenge to ‘perfect parenting propaganda.’ Mothering today is loaded. Loaded with pressure to achieve perfection. Recently, an older mom, whose kids are long gone and are parents themselves, told me that she thinks moms today face much more pressure than she did. I’m not sure why this is except that I do think the media see us as a ripe consumer target and, therefore, they pitch us every gadget and parenting philosophy under the sun, positioning absolutely everything as though, if we don’t buy their gadget or buy into their philosophy, we’re the equivalent of the parents who lock their kids in the closet and feed them through a hatch.
Well, this morning, I’d just love to hear from our readers about a random moment when you received unsolicited ‘perfect parenting’ advice from a friend, family member or stranger. To get things started, here’s one of my favorites, told to me by a friend.
She was at the grocery store with her son. He was sitting in the cart and, as kids will do, he was grabbing things off the shelves and asking if she could buy them. Each time, she’d say ‘no’ and put it back. Finally, he grabbed something and she gave in, “That’s fine, put it in the cart.” At that moment, a woman walking the other direction — a complete stranger — walked by and sniped, “Oh yeah, that will be REALLY good for him,” shaking her head.
My friend wanted to cry or scream.
That was what I call a ‘drive-by perfect parenting sniper.’
Tell us your story and give the offender a name if you can think of one, such as ‘perfect parenting prude’ or ‘safety sue.’
We’ll share some of your stories in our next newsletter!!!
Ha! Love this.
I have one story that I relive a few times a year, wishing I had told off this child-free perfect parent sniper. I was pregnant with a 1 and 4 year old at home, my husband ‘babysat’ while I went to dinner with a long time friend who brought his child free long time friend along. We were all talking and laughing when my friend said, “so how are the kids, how are you guys getting along these days?” I laughed and said, “oh, you know, bribes and trickery, it gets us through most things we have to accomplish” and he (father of two also) laughed with me. Then his childfree friend pipes up, “well, I have dogs and I think it is just the same as children, and I think they all deserve and require honesty. If you are honest you will receive honesty in return! People who think kids don’t know what’s going on blah blah blah….” and I don’t remember much after that. I know I rebutted her rebuttal but I never felt it was quite adequate… and I still dream up things to say to slay her doggie/child comparision world…. (I feel compelled to expand on ‘bribes’= ‘put your coat on or you have to stay home’ and ‘trickery’= hide the toy that has become the new weapon of choice… sorry- had to CMA even tho you all know what I meant by ‘bribes and trickery’ I’m sure!:)
Comment by Carlie — February 23, 2009 @ 10:42 amOh what a great idea, Janalee…since I have suspected for years that I must have a sign on my head that reads “please comment on my abilities!” And I am always amazed at my own INABILITY to come up with a good return…until much later, of course.
Comment by Hillary — February 24, 2009 @ 10:10 amWell, I have two stories (actually I have zillions, but I’ll limit myself). The first was when my oldest was maybe 1 1/2 and we were at the grocery store and I accidentally dropped a jar of baby food which shattered all over the floor. My son was upset by this and started to sob. An older lady walked by and saw my son crying and must have assumed that HE dropped it and that I had scolded him for dropping it. So she goes, “Well he must be lucky to have you for a mommy!” in one of the bitchiest tones I’ve ever heard in my life. I was shocked! I think I did cry when I got in the car.
The second story actually happened a couple months ago. I was again at the grocery store with my youngest son (who is 4 and autistic) and was loading him into one of those truck shaped shopping carts, which he loves. A mom about my age with one daughter about 3 was busy hosing down the regular type cart with all types of disinfectant spray and antibacterial wipes (I think she was then going to cover the whole thing with a germ-resistant canvas). Her daugher was whining that she wanted a truck shaped cart too. Her mom said “oh, absolutely NOT!” and the daughter said, “That little boy gets to ride in one.” And the mom goes, “Well his mommy must not love him as much as I love you because she wants him to get sick from all those yucky germs” and then she SMILED at me as if I should be thankful she’d pointed out such a brilliant obvservation. This time, I just busted out laughing. I was mad, but I also was thinking about how exhausting that woman’s life must be and also how I imagined she spends as much time at pediatrician’s offices as I do.
I WANT TO RIP THAT GERM-CRAZY MOM’S HEAD OFF!!!!! Seriously?! And why is it that all the nut-jobs come out in the grocery store, eh???
I love that you laughed. I LOVE laughing at people like that. I think, more than any other reaction, laughter holds a mirror up to the crazies and makes them see themselves for a moment from your perspective… and it aint a pretty picture.
THANKS, Hillary!
Comment by Janalee — February 24, 2009 @ 1:44 pmHillary-OMG! That’s so sad (her life) but damn funny. Gotta feel for her poor daughter…
Once while preggers with my youngest, this man that I spent an unfortunate 45 seconds with on an elevator had the nerve to ask me: “Are you exercising? Pregnant women ought to exercise!!!” (This coming from a man with a heee-yuge ‘Dunlap’ belly–that ‘dun-laps’ over his belt buckle)
I know the judge would’ve set me free….
Comment by Dani — February 24, 2009 @ 7:34 pmMy story is similar to Hilary’s in the “Oh NO you didn’t!” category. :)
We take the kids to the Renaissance Festival every year and we always end our day with playing in this little fountain they have there. I played in it when I was little and now my kiddos play in it. We were letting them play in the water and there were some other kids standing there watching us and they turned to their parents and said “Can we play in the water with them?” Their parents took one look and said “No honey, WE don’t play in public fountains where we’re not welcome. WE have manners.”
I smiled at her and resisted the urge to splash her children. :)
Comment by Shanyn — February 25, 2009 @ 9:01 pmWe moved into this house about 2 weeks before my oldest daughter was born. Our realtor stopped by a few weeks after she was born to congratulate us. I was walking around with Anna in a baby carrier, to get her to take a nap. The realtor, in a tone of gentle condescension said, “I know that seems nice right now, but if you keep holding her like that she’s going to get very spoiled and never want to be put down. That’s what the crib is for you, know. A little crying will do her some good.”
As a new mom of a newborn, I had no response, but I passed many hours in the months following coming up with lots of lovely retorts. Spoil a baby by holding her close? She’s not lunch meat!
Comment by Megan — March 12, 2009 @ 9:07 am