I mostly spend each day living in brief gulps from one moment to the next. In between tickle fights and time outs, I also sweat it out each day on the tightrope that is PPD and all its repercussions in my family, my health, my marriage and my sense of humor. Some days are good, some days only wish they could aspire to the high ranks of pond scum, but it's all part of my life. And it's all worth it.
Mealtime Treaty
Dear children:
I, your mother and personal chef, agree to provide as non-”disgusty”, child-friendly and nutritious a meal as possible on the condition that you, my children, agree to attempt to eat at least one bite of the aforementioned meal. Any screaming or crying regarding the “disgusty-ness” of the meal, barfing noises or flinging of food across the room will nullify the one bite. An inability to make another tasting attempt will result in the loss of said meal. As a family we also agree that I, your mother, will not make individual meals nor prepare second meals when the first does not meet your specific and often vagrant standards.
In the event that these conditions are not met, I reserve the right at any time to remove all other foods from your reach, wrap up your unsatisfactory meal and present it to you at each subsequent meal for up to 24 hours. In the event that hunger still cannot inspire you to eat, I will agree not to serve the rejected foods for at least, but not limited to, two weeks, at which time we will try again. I also reserve the right at regular intervals to completely lose my head and scream, “Don’t you know there are starving children in Africa who would be grateful for the chance to take one bite of anything?”.
These conditions are subject to change at any time, according to my temper and tolerance. Compliance with these standards in highly encouraged in the interests of family harmony and maternal sanity.
Sincerely, Mom
YOU GO GIRL!
Comment by Bee — February 28, 2009 @ 3:12 pmArticle of Amendment: Being as we are rich Americans you may have, as an alternative to any meal, a slice of bread and butter. Only, of course, if you ask for it politely and make no comment on the nutritious (albeit disgusting and totally inedible) food presented on your plate.
Better watch out though, because Mom is even now TIVOing those episodes of Amazing Race where they eat the fried crickets and lamb brains.
Comment by GrandMem — March 4, 2009 @ 2:52 pmHilarious! Let us know if it works.
Comment by Jody Navakuku — March 5, 2009 @ 11:21 amI remember my dad always throwing those kids from Ethiopia in my face when I wouldn’t eat the brussel sprouts, lima beans or liver that was congealing on my dinner plate. Once I actually took down the address that Sally Struthers gave so I could send my left-overs to Ethiopia. Daddy was not amused, but I was serious!
Fortunately for me my kids love practially everything I place in front of them, including brussel sprouts and liver (p-yuck!) I still won’t serve lima beans.