I am the semi-neurotic mother of three kids, ages 18, 8 and 5. My oldest is off to college and my youngest just started school. I’ve been the single mom, divorced mom, married mom, young mom, old mom, career mom, and attends school-at-night mom. I’ve worked in the IT world for almost two decades, but still shy from programming cell phones. I have no free time, but when I do…I write or read or plan our next vacation or holler at whomever to give me some PEACE AND QUIET.
Absentee Mom
I’ve become scarce.
I recently received a promotion, and I want to do an amazing job…so I’ve been working my stretch-marked tail off. I’ve been putting myself to sleep reading financial statements (which is much more effective, I’ve found, than any sleep medicine, or the McNeil-Lehrer Report). I’ve been working so many hours I cannot discern from week-day or week-end (except week-ends are much noisier). I have unmailed packages in the trunk of my car that I taped up several weeks ago. I still have to do my taxes (that’s what April 14th is for!). The milk in my fridge has turned into an antibiotic. Toilet paper rolls aren’t being replaced. The food that I thought I just bought instantly disappears.
Oh wait, my teenager did that last part.
The other evening I was working on my computer and several times I had two heavy, whiney monkeys tugging on my arms. That played havoc with the spreadsheet I was trying to finish. Annika tells me, in a pained voice, that I shouldn’t work so much. I lost track of what she was saying when an email came in. Eva socked me in the shoulder when she wanted to go shopping on her birthday and I was working on one, er, one more, just one!!! last little thing.
I’m feeling more guilt than usual, which is quite a feat considering how much mom-guilt I tote around. I frequently take responsibility for the weather or the unfairness of life.
I can’t let down my new boss and co-workers. I certainly can’t let down my family. I should get back to ‘normal’ soon enough, then I can take my usual spot on the living room rug being jumped on and breaking up fights and listening to the babbling brook of young voices.
I hope.
Dani, I learned over my decade long climb up the proverbial ladder that if you wait for things to get back to normal you will wait for ever because things never go ‘back’, you must go forward to find your new normal. In other words, you have to make a new routine to fit your new responsibilities. And I’ll tell you something else, making a new ‘normal’ is like moving in to a new home, with a fresh new start. Get the kids involved. My old job had me home every day by 1:30 pm, but we were in a rut. When I got promoted and only had 2 nights home with the family we went through a rough patch trying to cope with never seeing each other. I knew I had to make the most of my nights off so now we have one night a week when we cook a big, special meal. And then we have game night. Last week it was Bingo, this week it will be Clue. My kids are older and not as demanding as your younger ones. Kids are amazing though, and they will adapt… eventually. Have you discovered that you have elastic arms? It happens over time when kids, spouse and work constantly pull you in different directions. One arm may end up being longer than the other but you will keep your balance, you’ll see.
Comment by Jody Navakuku — March 5, 2009 @ 10:43 amJo~
Dani, if it’s any consolation to you, I DO stay home and my boys don’t always appreciate it. In fact, they’ve often asked why it can’t be Daddy instead that stays home with them! You’re a great person and your kids will be fine. Don’t feel guilty. But I’m sure it’s hard. Hang in there.
Comment by Hillary — March 12, 2009 @ 8:03 pm