I am GRUMPY, y’all.  Seriously.  There seems to be no color left in the world, I woke up to SNOW (can someone please let the person in charge know that it is almost May and this is total crap?), I’m cold and there is more laundry setting up camp in my living room than I can humanly face.

I don’t want you to think I’m a defeatist. I’m really trying here people.  I exercised, I showered, I even shaved my legs.  The day still looked like something described in “The Road” (By the way, I don’t suggest you read it unless you want to pour lemon juice on open wounds all day- JUST TO FEEL BETTER), so I put on a bright red sweater.  Considerably under-whelmed by the cheerful effect, I added in some chartreuse lipstick which happens to clash fabulously with the sweater.  I look like someone accidentally dropped me in the clown car at the circus. Since I personally think clowns are wrong and creepy, I plan to wear it when I pick up the girls at school- just for the fun of watching them all cringe in fear.

I want sunshine and warm breezes and open windows.  I’d like a chance to put my new sunscreen to the test. You know that opening scene in The Sound of Music where Julie Andrews twirls around with her arms wide open, the hills alive and whatnot?  I want THAT. 

I have to confess, too, that half (maybe more) of my doldrums has to do with a current idiotic experiment- limiting caffeine to one cup a day.  OH NO YOU DIDN’T!, I hear you cry.  Yes, in fact, I did.  It’s been about a week.  You may notice that I have also not posted anything in about a week. Hmmmm… coincidence, Watson?  I think not.

I don’t know how much longer I can take it.  Sure, it’s all well and good in theory.  I was crashing every afternoon when my morning java extravaganza wore off and then all my mid-day hits were giving me trouble sleeping at night.  BUT I LOVE MY COFFEE.  I miss it.  I feel abandoned, bereft.  I’ve been drinking the decaf but that just feels like drinking tonic water in a bar when everyone else is up to their ears in cocktails.  It’s fine at first, but as the night goes on my find that your laugh starts to sound a little brittle and you’ve got crazy eyes and everyone starts to fear for their safety- or at least the safety of their drinks.

Not that I’ve given it any thought.

And so, in summary, I have nothing important to share except 1) garish lipstick does not a happy camper make, 2) We will never know what Be-Happy-And-Light-Up-The-World Oprah was thinking when she put “The Road” on her Reading List, 3) my obsession with Julie Andrews knows no bounds, and finally 4) IwantmycoffeebackIwantitnowandifyougetinmywayyouwillREGRETITFOREVER.

Thanks much. Have a lovely day.

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