Ask me how to strap a giant whale to my minivan and drive 1600 miles home with it! I'll tell you how. Ask me to define the word sharing. It's different than what you might expect. Ask me how to get your child to learn there's more to life than pb&j. Wait, don't ask me that. Ask me what it's like to have an autistic child. I'll try to help you understand. Ask me to show you my Mom of the Year award! Oops, usually I'm out of the running for that about 10 minutes after getting out of bed.
Yet, it's all good. Sure, the paycheck is lost in the mail but I still wouldn't trade this life, quirks and all. In my posts, I'm hoping you'll find humor and honesty and that you'll be able to relate to my humble acceptance of motherhood's ups, downs and in betweens.
Welcome to my world!
What’d You Say?
Clearly what comes out of my mouth doesn’t sound the same to my boys as it does to me. A few examples…
WHAT I SAY: Sorry boys, today isn’t going to be a day that we can go to the pool.
WHAT THEY HEAR (based on their reaction): I won’t even consider going to the pool until you’ve followed me all around the house and asked me at least 10 more times.
WHAT I SAY: Please please please shut the door all the way when you come in and out of the house.
WHAT THEY HEAR (based on their reaction): I know it’s a real inconvenience for you to have to turn around and pull the door shut each and every single time you go through it, so just leave it open. I certainly don’t mind letting in a couple wasps and eventually I’ll do it for you anyway.
WHAT I SAY: Boys, I’m on the phone.
WHAT THEY HEAR (based on their reaction): When you see me with the phone stuck to my ear, it means that I’m completely out of touch with you and you’re probably not the very first thing on my mind so make sure you save all your important drama for moments like that.
WHAT I SAY: We’ll be leaving in 5 minutes to run a couple errands.
WHAT THEY HEAR (based on their reaction): In 5 minutes, I’m going to put both of you in a box filled with poisonous snakes.
WHAT I SAY: OK, it’s time to power down on the video games and get busy cleaning up the mess you and your friends made upstairs in your room.
WHAT THEY HEAR (based on their reaction): Nothing.
WHAT I SAY: BOYS!!!! I SAID IT IS TIME TO GO! TURN OFF THE FLIPPIN’ TV, GET YOUR DAMN SHOES ON AND MOVE TOWARD THE DIRECTION OF THE CAR!!!
WHAT THEY HEAR (based on their reaction): Boys, it’s time to go.
Either yelling should become the international language or translators should be offered to parents during the summer.
