I mostly spend each day living in brief gulps from one moment to the next. In between tickle fights and time outs, I also sweat it out each day on the tightrope that is PPD and all its repercussions in my family, my health, my marriage and my sense of humor. Some days are good, some days only wish they could aspire to the high ranks of pond scum, but it's all part of my life. And it's all worth it.
The Potty
We have put off cleaning our carpets for 5 years. They’re spotted, worn and generally gray rather than the original cream color. Now, I’m not ashamed to say my house is pretty nice upon general inspection. I (and my twice monthly visiting angel cleaning lady) keep it fairly clean and neat. As a family, we do not lean towards clutter, in fact I’d say it’s more exactly the opposite.
But the carpets are a disaster, one that nags at us though we struggle daily to ignore it. Why all the denial? Because I still have a potty-training toddler.
And in most cases, the potty plays a rather minor role as receptacle when it comes to the “training” part. Last week, Silvia stood up and declared that she MUST wear her big girl panties, making the decision I had been putting off. I agreed, but with trepidation. It’s not that I don’t want her to be potty-trained, quite the opposite. But the actual process is just misery. I’ve successfully managed to block out nearly the entire procedure with Anna, leaving me only with a vague memory of her crying and spending weeks on my knees scrubbing out the carpet, couches, beds and floors.
I know it’s cowardly, but diapers are just EASIER. With diapers I can leave the house on a moment’s notice and stay out for more than two hours without trouble. Silvia can sit on the couch unattended and play in the next room without my constant hovering. As it is now, she doesn’t even want to wear pull-ups half the time. I got those cloth trainers, but they still don’t contain the majority of the flood,which leaves me in a state of near-constant awareness to catch her before she forgets to catch herself.
It’s not like she’s having no success. She’s got a definite awareness of what’s going on– it just seems to come more often AFTER the deed is done. Actually, she does better in pull-ups, but those panties are so much cuter and happier and more wonderful and JUST LIKE ANNA’S, her most important criteria. Another month or two, she’ll be on her way, there’ll be less accidents, I’ll be able to go out more often.
For the moment, though, I’ve just resigned myself to a questionable carpet and dropping everything to run to the bathroom 37 million times a day. If nothing else, I’m getting my exercise, right? I could only wish that it was a little less…damp.
