I am the semi-neurotic mother of three kids, ages 18, 8 and 5. My oldest is off to college and my youngest just started school. I’ve been the single mom, divorced mom, married mom, young mom, old mom, career mom, and attends school-at-night mom. I’ve worked in the IT world for almost two decades, but still shy from programming cell phones. I have no free time, but when I do…I write or read or plan our next vacation or holler at whomever to give me some PEACE AND QUIET.
The end of being a mom
I’m listening to my son and his friend giggle, yes, giggle, over something on Facebook downstairs. I’m upstairs, completely miserable because he leaves half-way across the world tomorrow afternoon.
Children do grow up, well, we hope they do. They go off to be adults. They live their lives. Why did this have to happen to my child??
I never thought this ‘letting go’ would be so hard. I hold up the comparison of ‘Pregnancy vs. Giving Birth’ and ‘Teenagers vs Children Leaving the Nest’. Pregnancy, especially the third trimester, was a PAIN…it made me want to give birth, um…. NOW! I didn’t care what drugs they gave me, or who gave ‘em, just GEETTT ITTTT OUTTT!!! Now, ’ Teenagers vs. Children Leaving the Nest’: Teenager-hood made me glance at my watch and question ‘when the hell are you leaving again?’ But, now that he’s called my bluff and is actually vacating the premises, I’m apologetic about my haste.
The past 18 years he’s been a focal point of my very existence. He encouraged me to go to school and better myself. He laughed with me in my darkest times, and I held him close when he was in pain. I was his confidant, his taxi, and his sounding board.
My world is spinning off of its axis at the moment. I cannot imagine life without him in it every day. What was this whole parenting thing about anyway?
I feel lost, and unnecessary.
My son is leaving, in my heart it feels like forever.
Wow, Dani, this is so touching. Just reading this gives me a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach…knowing that one day, I too, will be facing this milestone.
Sigh…why do they have to grow up? Hope you are holding up okay…a big hug from Colorado!
Comment by Tiffany — August 31, 2009 @ 4:29 pmOh Dani! This post totally made me cry. My son will be 6 in a couple of weeks and although it feels like this post is light years away from me, I know it will happen in a heartbeat and I cannot imagine my sweet boy being anywhere but underfoot.
I’m crying with you and toasting to you long distance!!
Comment by Shanyn — September 2, 2009 @ 9:23 am