Pajamas

First Child: Flame retardant, oxygen filled, radiation- proof union suit that is six sizes too small (as is required by law to qualify as flame retardant)ensures he/she will survive a nuclear blast to live amongst the cockroaches, even though no one else in your house will because, well, keep reading…

Second Child: Whatever first child wore, except that all the machine washings have worn off most of the armour that rendered the first child immortal.

Third Child: Just pull something outta the drawer. Snowman flannel pants in the middle of July paired with First Child’s old soccer jersey works as well as anything.

Sports

First Child thinks:  The soccer net is a really cool thing to climb on and the pitcher’s mound is the biggest pile of dirt I’ve ever seen!

Second Child thinks: I will kick the ball farther than First Child when it’s my turn to play next year.

Third Child thinks (even when autistic): You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you kick the ball, you catch the ball. When you do it well, everyone claps and yells “YAY!” Got it. Not too hard to figure out when most of your weekends are spent watching from the sidelines.

Emergencies/Injuries

First Child: You race to Pediatric Office/Urgent Care/ER with tears of fear and guilt streaming down your face. Hold complimentary popsicle in First Child’s mouth on way home, whether it is 6 hours or 6 minutes later. And you’re still not convinced he/she’s OK.

Second Child:  He shows off stitches to neighbor friends as a badge of honor and considers it a bonus that he has accumulated more over time than First Child has.

Third Child: When he points at the plug outlet, says “Ouchie! Hot!” while grabbing his finger, you assume he has learned his lesson the hard way.

 Immunizations

First Child: You can rattle off the dates of each shot given plus what, if any, reaction there was without missing a beat.

Second Child: You refer to the little pink card that thankfully, you seem to be able to remember to bring to each well visit.

Third Child: The pink card is blank. And still sitting in your hospital bag. You simply trust that since you’ve managed to keep Third Child on the well visit schedule that he or she has had the appropriate immunizations and so you answer “yes” whenever you are asked if Third Child is up to date. Also, your pediatric office has just about had it with the amount of times you’ve had to call them and ask them to fax Third Child’s records somewhere.

 It’s probably a good thing I don’t have any more children. They’d probably be expected to call cabs to get themselves home from the hospital after being born.

What’s the saying? I love you all equally but differently? Totally applies to my house.

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