Ask me how to strap a giant whale to my minivan and drive 1600 miles home with it! I'll tell you how. Ask me to define the word sharing. It's different than what you might expect. Ask me how to get your child to learn there's more to life than pb&j. Wait, don't ask me that. Ask me what it's like to have an autistic child. I'll try to help you understand. Ask me to show you my Mom of the Year award! Oops, usually I'm out of the running for that about 10 minutes after getting out of bed.
Yet, it's all good. Sure, the paycheck is lost in the mail but I still wouldn't trade this life, quirks and all. In my posts, I'm hoping you'll find humor and honesty and that you'll be able to relate to my humble acceptance of motherhood's ups, downs and in betweens.
Welcome to my world!
The Sounds of (3rd Grade Boy) Heaven
Logan and his neighborhood buddy Nick scored themselves some Walkie Talkies this afternoon and honestly, it was as if they had struck gold.
I don’t know where the things came from–it could have been any one of the garages to which they have access in our culdesac–but the radios worked very well and you’d have thought someone had handed the boys equal rights to the Holy Grail.
I happened to be outside at the time because Adam was out there as well. This gave me the opportunity to witness the spy games being played and also the creativity of which these two fine young gentlemen are capable. They did not disappoint.
“Agent N, this is Agent L confirming an enemy sighting due west. Enemy is armed, proceed with caution,” Logan alerted Nick to the danger of 7 year old Ryan lurking on the deck with his Star Wars laser gun.
“Roger that, Agent L. Enemy in sight. Capture coming right up.”
“Return enemy to secret dungeon.”
“Roger. Mission completed.”
Then suddenly it was as if the red tape of good taste and innocent dramatic play was snipped away and a light bulb of crassness exploded like a bomb into their brains.
“SPLLLLLLTTTTTTTHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” came the sound of Logan spitting through the airwaves. Both boys collapsed on the ground in amused hysterics.
“Go really far away!” Nick commanded. “I want you to hear this from really far away.” Logan obeyed, heading around to the backyard while Nick remained in the driveway.
“BLLLLLUGHHHHRRRP!” belched Nick impressively as if he’d spent the afternoon chugging pitchers of beer at the nearest bar. “Did you hear that?! I just burped into the Walkie Talkie!!”
“FARTFACE!” squawked the reply.
“FFFFFFFRRRRRRRT! I JUST FARTED INTO IT!”
And so it went on for several more minutes, with each boy taking his turn at making whatever kind of disgusting noise into the speaker he could coax out of his body, each trying to outdo the previous attempt. When they ran out of noises (or when possibly one of them felt an esophagus was beginning to errode), they turned their efforts into accusing each other of various unforgivable third grade sins.
“YOU KISS GIRLS AT RECESS!!”
“YOUR UNDERWEAR SHOWS DURING LIBRARY AT SCHOOL!”
Amazingly, this was all in good fun. I feel kind of like Logan had some of the greatest 30 minutes of his life. I also know that there are many moms who would have put a stop to it right away. I, however, am just used to this type of entertainment that young boys seem to crave, I know they just need to get it out of their systems, and I also am fairly confident that turning a blind eye to it will not result in either of them shouting these things at their teachers (or their bosses) someday.
So I simply took it for what it was: another moment where a child in my life gives me something to shake my head and laugh about. And write about!
Uh…thanks for that?
