I am a pre-menopausal mother of five... two teenaged daughters, and three older sons, one of whom just completed his second tour in Iraq. I have literally changed thousands of diapers in my years as a mother and more recently as a grandmother. I dream... nay, I live for the day when the proverbial reversal of roles kick in and my kids have the pleasure of changing my diapers.
6:04 a.m.
“mrrrrrrrrrp”
Through the fog of sleep I become aware of the vibrating purr of my cell phone which I keep tucked under my pillow, a habit left over from when my son was serving in Iraq. Blurry eyes struggle to focus on the tiny screen. The digital clock reads 6:04 am. A little envelope and phone icon indicates that I have a text message.
1-800-Oompa1: Hey Mom
I try to remember how to spell ‘hey’, and numb fingers trip over the miniature keypad. Through crossed eyes I miss the [send] button and click on [delete] instead. I cuss and my husband snorts in his sleep beside me. Did he just say ‘quarter’, which is what we charge each other for swearing.
1-800-Oompa1: R U awake?
1-800-MOM: No, I’m texting in my sleep.
1-800-Oompa1: What’s 4 breakfast?
1-800-MOM: Fingernails, boogers and spit.
1-800-Oompa1: Can I have lunch $
1-800-MOM: No, eat left-over breakfast.
At times technology has it’s merits, but not at 6:04 am, and certainly not for breakfast and lunch money. I spend way too much money on multiple cell phones on the family plan so I can keep track of my little private army of dna… and the culprit for their existence… their father! I rarely have to call them, but I can almost guarantee that when I do need to contact them via the cell phone, they will not answer.
Except at 6:04 am, when the breakfast menu is in question.
“mrrrrrrrrrp”
1-800-Oompa2: Psst.
1-800-MOM: snoring!
1-800-Oompa2: lol. You should give me a ride 2 school.
1-800-MOM: No,I should stay in bed and sleep in.
1-800-Oompa2: I’ll make you a cup of coffee, you can have the last of the hazelnut creamer.
1-800-MOM: Start the car, I’ll be right out.
Yeah, technology sucks at 6:04 am. Especially when I didn’t get home from work and into bed until 12:35 am! The moment Micro-Soft comes up with a mobile, electronic Mom I’m signing up for one, I don’t care what it costs if it means that I can actually get more than 5 hours of sleep at night.
“mrrrrrrrrrp”
1-800-Oompa3: Mommy, I don’t feel good.
1-800-MOM: What’s wrong?
1-800-Oompa3: My throat hurts and I feel like I’m going to hurl.
1-800-MOM: Drink some hot tea. You’ll be fine.
1-800-Oompa3: What if I barf?
1-800-Mom: I’ll buy you some ice cream.
(1 hour later)
“mrrrrrrrrrp”
1-800-Oompa3: Mommy, you owe me some ice cream.
