The question, What are you thankful for this season?, to me, is cliche. To say I am thankful for this or that sounds generic. Two people can finish the I’m thankful for…statement in the exact same way but the events that have shaped their statements may be deeply personal or a quickly thought up response when everyone was taking turns sharing their own at the annual family gathering.

So I’m putting thanksgivings aside for now and considering appreciations instead. Maybe it would be better to say that actually, yes, I do have many thanksgivings this year. That’s the end statement. What’s behind that statement are 365 days filled with little details and events, some of those personal, some of those experienced by those close to me, that have helped me truly appreciate why I have those thanksgivings.

This year, 2009, has not been my most favorite year. There are several reasons for that fact and as the year’s end is coming upon its close here in the next 6 or so weeks, I’ve been more than a little reflective on those reasons.

Sometimes it takes one of my not so favorite years to help me focus on my appreciations. Maybe after reading mine, you will consider your own.

This year, I appreciate the roof I have over my head. Not only do I appreciate that I have one, I actually really appreciate the roof that I have over my head.  The area that is my community has a lot of, well, having, and with that comes a lot of Look what I have! attitudes. It’s easy to get caught up in all of that and very easy to start feeling deserving of all of the Look what they have! that surrounds me. Some of the recent events of my life have helped shape my perspective a bit. Now I look around and think, “This is a great roof and so is the home and family under it” and that thought has brought me way more peace of mind than a 3 car garage and a gourmet kitchen ever could. So here I am, let me shout it: Look what I have! I have appreciation!

Speaking of the family under that roof, I got to thinking: if half of today’s marriages end in divorce and if financial strains, special needs children and military service are often factors that lead to those divorces, it’s very easy to wonder just how Rob and I have managed to keep from packing each other’s bags over the last few years.  I won’t lie.  It sometimes can be very difficult to resist even considering that the grass might be greener in two separate yards rather than one. Those are reactionary moments, the results of an unusually stressful day or poorly chosen words at poorly chosen times. The appreciation in this is for the commitment Rob and I both have to honor the for better or for worse clause in our marriage vows. Unfortunately, as is also often a factor in the breakup of marriages, Rob could most likely count on one hand the amount of times I’ve told him how much I appreciate him, even though he is one of the most devoted fathers and husbands that anyone could ask for.

I appreciate how wonderful my three boys are. Sometimes I get caught up in all the things I see that aren’t so wonderful and I worry way too much over those things. Then I attend three parent teacher conferences, one of which pertained to my four year old autistic child, and I realize just how unique and awesome those three are. I don’t mean this in a “My children are the brightest, most athletic, most popular, most talented children ever in the history of this school” kind of way. I just mean, they’re neat kids. When others think that and go out of their way to let me know their thoughts, well then, what do I have to not appreciate?

Grandparents have been something to appreciate this year. Actually, for all the years they’ve held that title,but this year my eyes have really been opened to how much I appreciate their involvement with my children. I only have had one living grandparent since I was 14 and I really don’t see her that often. I also have friends who live far from their own families and don’t get to experience all the wonderful benefits of having lots of grandparents within a 20 minute reach, as my boys do. They come to the boys’ games, they have them over to play and a couple years ago, they all (plus my above mentioned grandmother, age 92 all the way in from Palm Springs) attended the Grandparents Day celebration at the boys’ school. The principal of the school was so impressed with my boys’ grandparent entourage that he invited Logan down to his office the following Monday to talk about it over the intercom during the morning announcements.  When he sees me up at the school, he often asks about Great Grandmother all the way in from Palm Springs. Awesome.

My appreciation for grandparents ties in with my next appreciation, which is for life.  Unfortunately, this year has included one of those quirky, unfair curve balls that occasionally get thrown and my mother in law was the one standing at the plate this time.  A couple days after Christmas last year, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. This came out of nowhere.  Out of all the members of my family and Rob’s, I’d have to say she was not the one I expected to draw that card. 58 years old, healthy, active, always after us to give up some of our less than stellar health habits.  That’s not the kind one expects to suddenly face a life threatening illness. I also appreciate gifted surgeons, one of which was able to remove her golf ball sized tumor as well as the medical research that has made possible the treatments to which she is responding successfully. I don’t always see eye to eye with my mother in law, as neither she nor I are ever afraid to speak our minds or fiercely stand our ground when it comes to our own opinions, but there’s no way I could deny that she is one of my children’s greatest champions. She has been since the day she found out she was going to be a grandparent.

Appreciation for life has a Part Two. My oldest son, at 9 and in the 3rd grade, is at the exact same point in his life that I was when my own mother was diagnosed with cancer. While there have obviously been many advances in diagnosing and treating cancer made since 1981, at the time my mom faced it, the prognosis was not favorable. I have to admit as I sit here writing this post, that I know when I was in 3rd grade I certainly didn’t have this appreciation for her life. In fact, it is really now as I think of my son(s), that I am overwhelmed with the understanding of how important I am to them as their mom, especially at this time in their lives, and how terrifying and heartbreaking it must have been for both my mother and my father to have planned for my younger brother and me to grow up without her.

Which is why I also have a deep appreciation for the unexplained miracles that occur from time to time. Just before I sat down to write this post, I sent my mom an email at the school she where she teaches, and next week she and I, along with my dad, will be having our traditional day before Thanksgiving lunch date. Life is good.

So now it’s time to use the word thankful. Now I can finish the This season I’m thankful for…statement.  I’m thankful that I what I did gain from this year was not bitterness or envy or despair, but appreciation for the things which make my life truly blessed.

Isn’t that the way it should be?

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

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