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Hillary: Mom of three, one of whom has autism
Ask me how to strap a giant whale to my minivan and drive 1600 miles home with it! I'll tell you how. Ask me to define the word sharing. It's different than what you might expect. Ask me how to get your child to learn there's more to life than pb&j. Wait, don't ask me that. Ask me what it's like to have an autistic child. I'll try to help you understand. Ask me to show you my Mom of the Year award! Oops, usually I'm out of the running for that about 10 minutes after getting out of bed. Yet, it's all good. Sure, the paycheck is lost in the mail but I still wouldn't trade this life, quirks and all. In my posts, I'm hoping you'll find humor and honesty and that you'll be able to relate to my humble acceptance of motherhood's ups, downs and in betweens. Welcome to my world!


That’s Not Me

December 3, 2009 — Hillary @ 9:09 am

I just finished reading Dear Abby this morning. One topic today was special needs children. She, at the request of a reader, printed a poem which suggested that God selects very special people to be parents of special needs children.

Well, that isn’t me.

I’ve heard that argument before. It’s one of those statements that people make to me all the time. In fact, I think I’ve posted about this previously. “God chose you because He knew you were extra special and would take care of that special boy.”

And, me being me, never lacking in the smart ass response department, I usually come back with something like, “Well then, He and I are going to have a long talk someday.”

Because that isn’t me.

I’m not patient, I’m the opposite of patient! Google “impatient” and my face will be at the top of the page! Trust me, I’m the first to fly off the handle. I used be more that way before Adam was born. OK, I will admit to being better about this now. I mean, there’s just a lot I’ve learned to let go.  But before that, I was way more quick tempered and high strung. So why would God choose me?

I had no background in or experience with special needs children! In fact, I always said autism would be the one thing I’d never be able to handle! I think I said that out loud more than once! Of course, now I know that I can handle this. In fact, I now know that I can handle a lot of things that I always said I never could. But before Adam came along, I wasn’t so strong. So why would God choose me?

Before Adam, I was self absorbed. Superficial. Vain. I still am, I won’t deny it, but not as much as I was before Adam. So why oh why would God look upon me to be the one to guide this child, to take on this challenge, to step out of my selfish little world? What was He thinking?

I’m not special! I’m not strong! I don’t have an understanding of how to overcome serious challenges! I don’t have an open heart and mind!

At least, I didn’t used to, before Adam was born.

Maybe He knew what He was doing after all.

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  1. I struggle with the whole “he has a plan” thing, too. but sometimes it’s nice to think that at least SOMEONE thinks you’re up to the challenge, even when you’re totally flummoxed at the very possibility. If it helps at all, I think you’re special AND strong, and not in a cheezy way, either. :)

    Comment by Megan — December 3, 2009 @ 10:24 am
  2. I’m a true believer in “everything happens for a reason.” I’m a glass is half full, let’s look at the positive side and there-is-some-good-in-this-kinda gal. Ironically, I’m married to a cynic, so I guess we balance each other out. You did get Adam for a reason, and maybe that reason wasn’t as much as the fact that you would change Adam, but that he would change you as you learned to live with, accept and eventually appreciate his special needs. He’s thriving like you never thought he would, so you are obviously doing something right! And, things that used to be most important to you have taken a back seat, so he’s done something right too. You guys are a good team!

    Comment by lisa — December 4, 2009 @ 1:50 am
  3. I read that Dear Abby as well! That’s similar to whenever I pray for patience…the kids pull some stunt that makes me lost my ever-lovin’ mind…
    However, at least you TRY to be a good parent–that makes you a good parent:-)

    Comment by Dani — December 6, 2009 @ 8:06 pm

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