I’m pretty sure the entire world heard my sigh of relief yesterday. Perhaps you misconstrued it as a gusty afternoon breeze, but I assure you, that was ME!

The baby is fine! FINE. They checked for neural tube and cleft palate defects first and everything looked totally normal (upon which yours truly got all verklempt) and then measured out legs and arms and heads and hearts. Okay, just one head, one heart. You know what I mean.

Funny enough, the only possible problems discovered weren’t with the baby but with me, though it’s nothing serious. The placenta’s lying very close to my cervix, about 1 cm off to the side, so we’ll be keeping an eye on that as I get huger just to make sure it slides away over time. No biggie.

The other problem? You really want me to share? REALLY? Okay, you asked for it. (Actually, I think I just heard a resounding chorus of, “No, no, PLEASE DON’T SAY!”, but I figure if I can share all my drama, trauma and day to day wackiness with the whole internet, why not go just a little… lower?)

Turns out an annoying ache I’ve had is actually a varicose vein that’s popped out in a VERY UNPLEASANT LOCATION. I’ll leave that to your imaginations (you’re welcome!), but I have to share the doctor’s thrilling news upon this diagnosis.

“Well,” he chirped gleefully, “The good news is it’ll disappear as soon as you give birth. Other than that, you can expect it to get MUCH BIGGER AND MORE PAINFUL until then.” Then he SMILED at me. Like it was, you know, FUNNY.

Come a little closer, sir. I’ll show you funny. Let’s see what it takes for me to leave you with a nasty throbbing ache in your unmentionables. ha. ha. HA.

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