As a parent I am constantly challenged to keep the kids active.  Either I keep them busy or something gets broken/stained/colored on/put on fire.  I’m not extremely imaginative, nor energetic, so these ideas for activities aren’t very plentiful.

This weekend, however, I hit on an activity goldmine! Since it’s the beginning of summer, all the creepy-crawly-flying things start coming out of wherever the hell they’ve been since October and bugging (pun intended) the crap out of me.  I’m trying to make dinner and these gnats kept flying tantalisingly close to my face.  The little suckers always evaded my hands, dishcloth, water, whathaveyou.  I swear I could hear teeny little voices taunting me “nyah nyah!!!” Since the girls like to make a quick buck (and spend it just as quickly), a light bulb appeared over my head: I could PAY the kids to KILL BUGS!!!

Spectacular!  Ioffered them 50 cents hard cash for the body of every gnat they showed me, and they excitedly got to work. Both girls were a few dollars richer by the end of the evening, they stayed occupied for almost a complete hour and I was blissfully happy not to have the little suckers buzzing in between my eyeballs.

As we got ready to collapse into bed, my husband asked me:

“So, I heard you have a bounty out for the head of gnats now?”

“Yep.”

“Will you pay me if I kill them too?”

Brilliant.

Overheard from the basement last night…

(Loud Crash… loud crying)

“Oh no! Don’t tell Mom!  SHHHHHHHHHHH!  Stop crying! I love you!! Don’t tell Mom!  Are you OK? STOP CRYING! shhhhhhhhh.  Oh. Come. On!  Don’t tell Mom. I love you. I LOVE YOU! Are you OK? Don’t tell Mom!”

It’s a cliche’, but I really don’t know where to begin. I’ve thought about blogging many times since Mae’s heart surgery but I found the prospect daunting. How do I just sit down and write about an experience that so terrified me, challenged me and, in the end, transformed me?

I suppose I’ll just begin with what I’m feeling today and we’ll take it from there, yes?

What I’m feeling today…  Pure gratitude.

Geez… I didn’t expect this. I’m crying. Maybe this is why I’ve postponed my “comeback” for so long. I know there are emotions I’ve not yet fully explored. The day-to-day has been overwhelming and wonderful, so why “go there,” back into the fear?  No, I won’t go back into the fear. I’ll stick to the gratitude.

I can honestly say that I learned so much from other people during Mae’s traumatic start in life. For three months, we depended on our family and friends to an extent that now seems ultra-demanding. Dave and I were completely overwhelmed with Mae’s care, the decisions we had to make, the appointments we had to keep and the relentless fears we had to face. Throughout it all, our family and friends picked up all the balls that we had to drop.

On a daily basis, dinners were left on our doorstep. Moms at the girls’ school took care of Delaney and Allie as their own — feeding them, caring for them and even helping them with homework. We were given groceries and gift certificates for restaurants. Our family members took days off from work to be where we needed them, when we needed them. People appeared at the craziest times with hugs that I needed more than I knew. My cousin flew into town to clean our house and then she went shopping and got us necessities like laundry detergent and beer.

The girls’ school — a Catholic school — proved to be more of a community than I ever understood. I always thought it was an extraordinary place but the outreach and care were beyond extraordinary. It was heroic. The girls’ friends wrote letters to Mae nearly every day, of their own accord. We hung them above her crib. A mom at the school organized a special mass for Mae the day before her heart surgery. Teachers called the hospital just to let us know they were thinking of us.

One friend whom I called upon for help nearly every day always said “yes” to my requests and then she also said, “What else?” Every day.

Dave and I are humbled.

People, when you get right down to it, are so good.

As I warm up my blogging fingers, I’ll  dive into the hilarious day-to-day reality of having THREE KIDS! But for today, this is what I had to say.

I’ll attach a couple of recent pictures of Mae and my brood.  It’s nice to be back!

I figure the best way to celebrate Mother’s Day is to post a list of what we do best: Worry!

Since 6AM today, this is a ‘short’ list of some of the things I worried about today:

• Getting in a car wreck and totalling my 1-week-old car
• Continuing to be turned down for ‘opportunities’, thereby losing confidence in any abilities I thought I ever had
• My son getting sick or injured and not getting help
• My daughter cracking her head open while riding her bike
• My daughters cracking heads open, period
• Something else breaking and/or needing maintenance
• MA! ceasing to exist (!!!)
• Not ever writing anything of note in my lifetime
• Being old and unsuccessful (don’t ever read magazine articles about successful, young entrepreneurs unless you ARE a successful, young entrepreneur)
• Video games ruining my daughter’s eyesight
• The non-dried dishes sitting in the cupboard for several days, and then being used, making my kids sick
• Skin cancer (yes, I looked up nasty pictures of skin lesions on the Internet just to make sure)
• Electric bills
• My newly-washed car getting fingerprints all over the windows (which came to fruition within minutes)
• Not being liked
• The dog dying (he ate a wasp today, and the wasp fought back!)
• Being addicted to on-line computer games and abandoning reality
• My daughter never eating anything but mac n’ cheese
• The cost of summer daycare
• My ever-expanding waist-line
• The Wii-Fit instructure bitching at me
• Losing the lids, but not the bottoms, of our umpteem million Tupperware dishes
• Writing this and not clicking ‘save’, so I have to type it all over!

Happy (?) Mother’s Day!!

This is a not completely inclusive list of what I’ve worried about today, but it’s a start.  Just call this a ‘pseudo tribute’ to us moms, since worryin’ is what we do best!

Since 6AM this morning, I’ve worried about:

• Getting in a car accident and totalling my 1-week-old car
• Losing the matching lids to the umpteen million Tupperware dishes
• Being turned down, again and again, for opportunities, meanwhile losing confidence that I’m even half-way competent
• My daughter breaking her head open while riding her bike
• My daugher(s) breaking their heads open, period
• My son getting sick or injured, and not getting help (he lives by himself, 5500 miles away!)
• My freshly-washed car getting finger prints all over the windows (this worry came to fruition within minutes)
• Something else in the house breaking and/or needing maintenance
• The dog dying (he almost did…ended up he ate a wasp and the wasp fought back)
• The kids getting sick from dishes that I didn’t dry completely, and have sat in the cupboard for several days
• Electric bills
• My ever-expanding waistline
• The Wii-Fit instructor guy bitching at me for a) gaining weight or b) not exercising enough
• MA! not being around!
• Not ever writing anything of note in my lifetime
• Skin cancer (yes, I looked at nasty pictures of skin lesions today just to make sure…)
• Not being liked
• Being old and unsuccessful (don’t ever read articles about successful young entrepreneurs…unless you ARE a successful, young, entrepreneur)
• Getting an ulcer from all this worrying

Happy (?) Mother’s Day!