I am the writer/owner of ‘MA! motherhood with attitude.’ The artist/owner of our company, Tiffany, will add her two cents on this blog now and then, as well. Tiffany and I often talk about the struggle to earn a buck through our freelancing as we also try to make the ‘MA! dream’ come true. Our mission is to expose ‘perfect parenting propaganda’ for what it is: hogwash! We adore imperfect parents (and embrace the fact that we are among them.)Pumping
OK, so I’m not sure if I should let you know this, but I’m actually sitting here pumping as I write this. In fact, for the last three months or more, I have done a good deal of my correspondence with my boobs attached to a sucker.
Mae gave up nursing in the second or third week of life during her first visit to Childrens Hospital. I met with lactation specialists who kept trying to convince me that I “could make it work” but somehow Mae wasn’t receptive to their messages. I can’t blame her; she had other things on her mind, such as living through heart surgery.
Anyway, I must confess that it is no small source of pride that I was able to keep my milk supply up during Mae’s whole ordeal. Now, life has returned to normal (it really has!) and I’m still pumping. I pump and I pump and I pump. And I hate it. There is no bonding. There is no sweet moment of peace between mother and daughter. There is a noisy pump with tubing and plastic and a rhythmic suck, suck, suck.
It sucks.
Other moms have told me their stories of heroics — pumping 8 months, pumping 13 months — and their kids didn’t even have heart surgery. So, here I am with Mae four-and-a-half months old, a cardiac surgery survivor, and I’m getting ready to give it up. I’ve had twinges of guilt but, truly, not too bad. (And before anyone comments on how I “should” keep it up for Mae’s sake, please spare me. I’ve heard it ALL and I’m quite certain Mae is going to be FINE!)
My hair is falling out; my joints all hurt; my left boobicle produces four times as much milk as my right boobicle and, thus, it is four times bigger, requiring lots of loose shirts and crazy bra antics; I ache all over. This happened when I nursed Delaney and Allie, too. Nursing is hard! Much harder for me than pregnancy.
And I actually resent lactation specialists and nursing-maniac-mommies who act like my needs should come SO FAR beneath my daughter’s. I have been pumping every three hours every day of the week for about 16 weeks! This isn’t up for a societal-expectation discussion. This is MY decision and Mae is going to turn out just fine.
Sooooooo, I think it’s time to wean. Yes, this is definitely the last time I will “nurse” a baby. I’m ok with that. I’m reveling in every single nanosecond of Mae’s sweet life because she was a surprise and I am LOVING this surprise. But it is time for this phase to pass.
Ahhhhhhh, the freedom!
(Ok, so let me turn this sucker off…)
Boobicle! Teehee! :) Pumping is about my least favorite thing right behind lemon juice on papercuts. You’re a trooper and you’re totally right– she’ll be FINE! Hell, after all she’s been through? It’s not even a question. BTW, my sis-in-law had the one gigantor, one teensy “boobicle” (teehee!) issue when she was nursing and it drove her NUTS! Sympathy all around, sistah!
Comment by Megan — June 10, 2010 @ 9:03 pmI think you should get a MEDAL for having lasted this long!!!! Wean away.
By the way, this may be one of my favorite MA blogs yet. Your inventive vocabulary and forthcomingness (!) are much appreciated.
Comment by Susan — June 11, 2010 @ 11:04 amNo worries, Jana, you did the best you could! Besides, formula never killed anyone – I have two strong, healthy kids as proof! In fact, they’ve both turned out to be a lot healthier than some of my friends’ kids who nursed until they were 1+ years old. Sure, there’s no substitute for a mother’s milk. However, science has come a long way in nourishing babies that couldn’t/didn’t nurse 100 years ago – they often died!
When I stopped nursing, I got my share of grief, nasty looks and “helpful advice” from moms who thought they knew better … but all too often, they were the ones feeding their older kids Fruit Loops and Pop-Tarts, letting them go without sunscreen, etc.!
Nobody knows better than you what is right for YOUR family!
Comment by Kerry — June 11, 2010 @ 12:22 pmCongrats!!!! I tried to nurse Hannah, she was born not knowing how…6 weeks..I was SO glad to go back to work! I tried to nurse Mallori, she knew how…was allergic..YES to breast milk. So, Seph….NOPE 3rd time WAS NOT going to be the charm! So, Seph has major issues, none due to breast feeding or not…BUT, he has NOT had the sinus and ear infections that my breast fed kids have! YES, Mae will be fine! Perfect in fact! Enjoy the freedom!!!
Comment by Lori Ware — June 11, 2010 @ 1:20 pmMy Ella never learned to latch even with many visits with the LC. I got mastitis three times in 5 months of pumping and fought clogged ducts the whole time. A lovely introduction to motherhood! Pumping truly sucks. I weaned and things have gotten MUCH easier. Glad to hear Mae is doing well. She will be just fine; sounds like she’s one tough little girl. Enjoy her and your consecutive hours of sleep! Love your site by the way.
Comment by Kassa — June 13, 2010 @ 7:28 pmI haaaaaaaated pumping. I can’t say my decision would have been any different if I had been faced with the same situation. Nursing IS hard and is a different experience for every mama and babe. The ‘only one right way’ attitude is just ignorant.
Comment by tiffany — June 14, 2010 @ 8:29 amI’ve always said that if something isn’t working for both mama and babe, it’s not working.
You rock, Mae rocks and everything will be just fine. :)
Comment by Shanyn — June 16, 2010 @ 5:11 pmI cannot thank you enough for this. I returned to work full time 10 weeks after my daugters birth. (I am the primary income earner for my family.) I am able to nurse my daughter at night and on the weekends, and I love that time! BUT I HATE PUMPING! I also suffer from twinges of guilt just for thinking of “quiting” this pumping crap. I have a hectic job and finding the time is hard, and I have days were I get one pumping in – and spend the rest of time suffering. Is this seriously worth it?
So….thanks again!
Comment by Maurina — June 28, 2010 @ 11:11 am