I am the writer/owner of ‘MA! motherhood with attitude.’ The artist/owner of our company, Tiffany, will add her two cents on this blog now and then, as well. Tiffany and I often talk about the struggle to earn a buck through our freelancing as we also try to make the ‘MA! dream’ come true. Our mission is to expose ‘perfect parenting propaganda’ for what it is: hogwash! We adore imperfect parents (and embrace the fact that we are among them.)My Attempts to go Free-Range
Over the last couple of years, from time to time, Dave and I have lamented the fact that we “can’t” give our kids the freedom we had as kids. We wax on romantically about how we left our homes in the morning only to return for lunch or dinner. My mom’s only expectation was that we’d play outside (not in someone’s home) where we could hear the coach’s whistle she’d blow when it was time to come home. Dave spent hours upon hours digging fox holes in the dirt behind his home (it’s now a park).
So, imagine my glee when a friend told me about a new book called, “Free-Range Kids” by Lenore Skenazy. I don’t want to go into her background because it is well-documented online, where you can probably find her by typing, “America’s Worst Mom.” Yes, I was excited to read a book by a woman who has been labeled America’s Worst Mom. Look her up to find out why.
Anyway, not only is “Free-Range Kids” liberating, it is hilarious! I devoured the book like a kid who has been given free-range to eat all of her Halloween candy without mom inspecting it first – something else that Skenazy recommends.
Simply put, Skenazy proves that, not only is the world not a scarier place than it was when we were kids, it’s actually safer. And we should give our kids the freedom to discover it now before we turn them into paranoid little worry-warts.
So, I did it. I’m doing it. I’m giving Delaney and Allie more freedom. And here’s the best part: they are so proud of themselves!
Case in point: Their aunt, Dave’s sister, lives three blocks away. She asked the girls to water her plants and feed her cat while she was on a short vacation. Instead of walking down there with them, I let them go by themselves! They take the apartment key, let themselves into the building, let themselves into Andie’s apartment, water the plants, lock up when they’re done, and come home. And when they walk in the door from this trek into the wilderness, they are BEAMING!
All the things that used to frighten me (child abduction, crossing streets, random acts of evil) seem not only odd to me now, but silly. (I’m not going to go into the statistics as to why I feel this freedom because Skanazy does. Read her book!) I can only say that I am entirely confident in my kids.
I know that I have taught them all the fundamental skills to be safe; I’ve just never let them test out those skills to this degree before. Truly, they have earned the right to this freedom.
I could go on and on about the many positive repercussions of this seemingly small release of the reigns that I hold on my kids, but I’ll save that for another time. Today, I just had to share how proud I am of myself and of my kids. This feels so much more nurturing and loving than keeping constant control of them ever did.
Hooray for your kids! And you! And if you can go back and fix it, my name ends with a “y.” But otherwise I agree with every word of this fine post! — Lenore herself
Comment by Lenore Skenazy — July 7, 2010 @ 12:58 pmHi Janalee,
Oh how fun – and isn’t it true!! Don’t forget to also teach them how to use knives and saws, lawn mowers, change bicycle tires, etc. I bet they are already pros at diaper changing!!
After July 19th we’re home for a while – so will be over to see you guys!
Keep having fun,
Lynn
Comment by Lynn — July 7, 2010 @ 1:53 pmYES! I keep trying to tell my friends that my job is to work myself out of a job by making sure that my kids are self reliant. It amazes me how fearful so many parents are.
Go for it!
Comment by Donna — July 7, 2010 @ 4:10 pmGood for you! Spread the word! I love Lenore!
Comment by Mike — July 7, 2010 @ 7:00 pmIts very true! I am able to appreciate my parents now as they did this…Hope I give this freedom to my kids
Comment by Anand — July 8, 2010 @ 12:45 amGood for you. Hate to sound paranoid, but you may want to change your SIL’s name in your post. Best not to give unnecessary details online.
Comment by Yam Erez — July 8, 2010 @ 2:46 amgreat post. Lenore came to Rochester to speak, wish I had time to hear her. But I also started taking the plunge starting three years ago letting Jolie walk to piano lessons two blocks away and let Nathan this year ride his bike around the neighborhood, now even Toby joins him.
Comment by Stacy Gittleman — July 8, 2010 @ 8:17 amWay to go. I could not agree more. I have Lenore Skenazy’s book in Kindle & hardback, and love it. I agree 100%, that the world is not any more dangerous than it was 20-25 years ago, we just THINK it is on account of TV shows like “To Catch a Predator” and all those missing kids specials. My main passion is this: if others want to parent their children in this paranoid way, that’s their right–but it’s also our right to parent ours free range, and the judgmental meddlers need to mind their own business.
Comment by Larry Harrison — July 8, 2010 @ 8:34 amI just picked up the book today! Can’t wait to start.
Comment by tiffany — July 8, 2010 @ 2:34 pmI love Free Range Kids. We seriously need to get a grip as parents. It is way safer now than it was when we were growing up. My 4 year old has been at the neighbors house for hours every day this week. I left them home alone while I jogged around the neighborhood this morning.
I think it’s a lot about trusting our kids to LIVE. Sometimes bad or negative stuff happens in life and we need to trust them to get over it – just like every other human being on the planet. The majority of the time they are fine, happy and capable.
PS I saw your blog on Get Born and I just moved to Fort Collins.
Comment by Tracee Sioux — July 8, 2010 @ 3:02 pmI so agree with this! This is why my 13y/o went to Europe without me and they were flying across the country at 9 years old ALONE to go to summer camp! Guess what…they are still here with me and very independent. Now, if I can just let go of Seph (hmmmm, gotta think about that one!). Tell the girls I am proud of them!!! and you to!
Comment by Lori Ware — July 14, 2010 @ 1:49 pmMiss you!